My Crib

Under Pressure

2004-11-17T20:19:00.000-08:00

I'm sure that an innocent person stuck in prison for many long years would think of FREEDOM as the ability to do what he wishes and as he sits within the four walls of his cell, he probably thinks that the people out in the real world are really lucky to have their freedom. Yet, as I sat today in small, blisteringly hot room trying to develop a communications plan on thin ideas and listening to the voices of my team of people as their faces swam before my eyes, I was forced to question my own free will. I saw 4 very mature people trying to impress one another like they were stuck in an eternal mutual admiration society, claiming bad ideas were brilliant ones and looking at each other for approval. I honestly wondered, if freedom is the ability to do what one wishes. Why the hell could I not get up and walk out of the room? Or even better, why was I pretending (like the rest of the corporate world) to be an "EXCEUTIVE" whose ideas change the world? That leads me to the bigger question, is freedom now a defunct idealistic notion that we all still believe in... like say... SANTA CLAUS??

My Excuse

2004-10-28T08:08:00.000-07:00

Like most things in life, writing this blog started out with the best intentions. I promised myself I would write everyday and that this would be my regular "notes to self" And here I am many months later and the blogs are getting fewer and fewer. The lack of regularity has a lot to do with how busy I am in daily life but there's also the reluctance to share my innermost thoughts and ideas on a public level. It's not because I care what people think because I never really have. I think its because writing about myself and my thoughts is a lot more work than it seems. It requires a need to dig for thoughts and ideas and then fashion them into some semblance of a story that migth interest an objective observer. The point of this long winded thought is, that I'm beginning to discover that being an artist, a writer has a bizarre dichotomy: It takes a lot of alone time and self exploration to gather my thoughts but yet I must be the third party and speak to many people with my writing. Fasinating.

Can you feel it?

2004-09-29T14:39:00.000-07:00

There's a change taking place in New York City. The leaves are turning slightly brown, the air is a little cooler and the jackets are coming out of the closet. The promise of Fall has descended upon the city and its inhabitants as the harbinger of change. To me, this season represents new beginnings, out with the old and in the with the new, that sort of thing. But this time, I think the change runs a little bit deeper. As the economy improves and optimism begins to seep into people's faces, the city seems to be waking up to a new reality of hope. Everyone is just a little less poor and for New York City, that is just another cause for celebration. I was in Central Park the other day and noticed two lovers walking under the falling leaves, holding each other to escape the chill in the air as children dressed in warm jackets ran about, oblivious to the world. I'm really not sure which city i'm going to visit next, but at that very moment, I was glad to be in New York City and finally understand what the fuss was all about.

Who do you want to be?

2004-09-19T14:43:00.000-07:00

A very good friend once told me that the difference between good and excellent is a lot of hard work and some dumb luck. I've been thinking about her words a lot lately. In a world where much wants more and then some, where do we draw the line? The media tells us that we can be perfect, have perfect bodies, smart minds, good careers, great clothes and the "knight in shining armor" boyfriend. Everywhere I look, I see women and men of all shapes and sizes pushing themselves towards a hypothetical excellence. MORE, MORE, MORE seems to be the mantra of the century. Unfortunately for me, I like being imperfect. I want to be unconventional and say the wrong things at a party, I want to eat ice cream like a little kid and be diagreable if it feels right. I enjoy making mistakes and learning from them and no matter what anyone says, I still think falling on my ass is hilariously funny. I think the true measure of being an adult is when you know right/wrong, good/bad etc. and you make a choice. I choose to be a completely fallible human being who loves passionately, cries loudly :) and makes many many mistakes but never stops trying to take that leap of faith. I hope to meet many more like me...

2004-09-03T13:46:00.000-07:00

Enjoying the sun with my workmates -- Kristina (extreme left) is the yoga queen of the group, I'm just so happy its summer -- notice the big smile and Phyliss (extreme right) is just wondering why she's posing for this picture.

Din-Raat (Day-Night)

2004-08-26T13:16:00.000-07:00

Thank god for poets :) The most romantic poem of the year. (For all those who can't read hindi, i'll provide a translation soon) Enjoy!

Din-Raat
by
Gulzaar

Teri Ankhon Se Hi Khulte Hain Saveron Ke Ufaq
Teri Aankhon Se Hi Band Hoti Hai Ye Seep Ki Raat
Teri Aankhen Hain Ya Sajde Main Hai Masoom Namazi
Palken Khulti Hain to Youn Goonj Ke Uthati Hai Nazar
Jaise Mandir Se Jaras Ki Chale Namnaak Hawaa
Aur Jhukti Hain To Bas Jaise Azaan Khatm Huee Ho
Teri Ankhen, Teri Thahri Huee Gamgeen See Ankhen
Teri Ankhon Se Hi Takhleeq Huee Hai Sachchi
Teri Ankhon Se Hi Takhleeq Huee Hai Ye Hayat

Que sera?

2004-08-19T21:31:00.000-07:00

The typical experienced public relations professional in the real world, is over 40, really thin, with plastic surgery written all over her face. She walks the walk and talks the talk and every person who can make her money is her best friend. Yet, below the surface level there lies a completely different person who has actual likes and dislikes. But if this professional is really good, she will laugh at your jokes exactly 3.5 times, make you feel like you are extremely smart and touch you on the shoulder or hug you depending on how far she thinks she can push it. You will leave her presence thinking she's a wonderful, bubbly happy person.... I met a person like that today and I thought to myself, with a little practice and a few more years, I will look in the mirror and see exactly the same person. The question is, is it necessary to turn into a manufactured, plastic smiling doll just to battle the bone-crushing numbness that is corporate anywhere?

Yes, I'm the fool hugging the signpost

2004-08-15T22:50:00.000-07:00

I could say I rollerbladed approx. 10 miles today at breathtaking speed past gaping housewives and runners but I'd be lying. My breathtaking speed was subject to frequent stops and falls that included my body lifting of the face of the earth and a loud splat as I landed on my already too bruised ass. This only happened when i faced my nemesis, the thing that strikes fear in the hearts of little kids and has adults walking in the opposite direction when they see it. It is... (drumroll)...the high slope. It requires a rollerblader to roll downwards at high speeds as the world zooms by and to use every inch of their body weight to stop at the end. Unfortunately, gravity and I have a tenuous relationship and every high slope involves a higher fall for me. But I kept going and the reward at the end was a stunning view of the city across the Hudson river as I sat in the middle of a forest surrounded by greenery. C'est la vie. :)

Next Stop: Paris, 1920

2004-08-11T22:47:00.000-07:00

So here's my dream, I travel the globe, visit exotic places, meet poets, writers, politicians, economists, dreamers, thinkers & doers and have blissfully long conversations about art, literature, space, reality, physics and human nature. ...Y'know the stories they tell you about Paris in the 20's and 30's, how it was the center of the universe and there was an intermingling of the smartest and most creative people in the little french cafes by the Seine. I truly wish I was one of those people, a drifter with many freinds and the world as my backyard. The question is, how do I translate being a young "up and coming" corporate executive to world traveler with enough money to do everything she wants and then some. Thoughts anyone?

Party Time

2004-08-07T15:40:00.000-07:00

I still have vodka in my system from last night's mega party, and a double shot mojito that is still not allowing me to walk a straight line (ugh). The exclusive Hudson Hotel in Manhattan's uptown area was the point of my rendezvous and I met and saw people that I hadn't spoken to in years. Loud music, booze and good friends, from what I hear it was a good night. From what I remember, I entered the hotel at 9:30 p.m. and woke up this morning with a headache and a vaguely queasy feeling. Oh well, I'll take more pictures the next time.

2004-08-07T13:56:00.000-07:00

"Moi"

Today

2004-08-04T23:55:00.000-07:00

Why don't they ever tell you that growing up involves endless days of sitiing in a sterile office with no hope of seeing the sun? I spent the day alternately in meetings and staring at the computer screen. sigh... I dreamt of making a REAL movie about life in the office, it would be so boring that it would spark a worldwide reaction by international governments who would insist on a 3 day work week with more money and paid 3 hour lunches. But my phone rang and the dream ended. For now, tommorrow is another day, the drone goes on...